Tao LinI read Eeee Eee Eeee, which is a book that was written by Tao Lin. I might like Tao Lin over the internet because his names are short and easy to type, which is a must. Wallaceberger Stephenopolous may indeed be a wonderful person, but he can not hold a candle to Mr. Lin over the internet. It is actually easier to type Tao Lin than Mr. Lin; he is the only person I know whose first name can be typed with the same number of keystrokes as there are in "Mr."
But it would be reasonable to assume that even though I am willing to write 1500 words about Tao Lin that he would not do the same for me. The sign of a man who does not care for others is that his blog's url is at once easy to type but frustratingly difficult to do. Remembering the exact number of hehes in [link] is absolutely never going to happen without adderol. As Freud would say, Tao Lin is playing hard to get. But here is the proof that it works; I was forced to bookmark his blog because my brain is unable to remember numbers larger than seven, and there are too many hes in that url; to make matters worse, there are places that contain an extra e. Here is a sentence that says something about catching more readers and becoming e-famous through the use of vinegar instead of honey; which makes sense because honey is bee spit and that is gross.
Tao Lin is a good mentor. I am going to have a philosophy degree in five hundred seventy-seven days, but he has cautioned me against moving to Seattle because I am clearly not a writer and I would do a bad job writing copy for ads, and my hands shake too much to make coffee.
Mr. Lin spams or has spammed or has had people spam Gawker. This means that he is an internet troll, at least by proxy. And in my books, that's all right, even though I do not have any books because I am not very good at writing and my inspirations always lead to phrases that have no worth; it is as though I could write the same individual phrases as Mr. Lin from a stream of consciousness process (which is the only way I can write) but when he does it, it is genius! I am pleased to be supporting Tao Lin's enterprise by means of a grassroots campaign to blitz the media market and saturate the publications with viral content, because he writes about things like the difference between privately held and publicly traded companies and it would be reasonable to assume that by helping him I am promoting responsible spending. I bet Tao Lin spends his nights rescuing kittens.
It seems as though Tao Lin is a man who understands humor. I do not know if this is the case, but I always laugh when I read the things he writes. Perhaps this just means that I have the schadenfreude and am trendy. I just spelled schadenfreude correctly on the first try; and for some reason it is recognized by the Firefox spellchecker.
Often, Tao Lin types without using the upper case. I do not know why, but typographically, it is hip. I think it is because typing without using the shift key implies that you do not care or that you are familiar enough with someone to not use anything upper case. McDonalds uses all lower case now to try and put customers at ease. Tao Lin is like a warm greasy hamburger in my stomach. He cares enough to pretend that he doesn't care. I think.
Oh, and also there is something that the typograpists tell me about lowercase letters having more distinction.
I think Tao Lin wants to be everyone's friend. Normally I am very careful not to end sentences with prepositions, but I feel like he is someone I can hang out with. You do not use good grammar with friends. Tao Lin is destined to be at least an F-14 shooting cacti in the desert, and would probably not have sex with your friends on MySpace.
Tao Lin is Andy Warhol, but with a shorter name. Also, his hair is not silver. But like Warhol, you can watch Tao Lin eat a hamburger for a modest price. Both live vicariously though themselves, and feature in their own work. But unlike Andy Warhol, Tao Lin is alive and can contradict the incorrect and possibly libelous things I say about him. He is almost as apparently glib and elusive in his interviews as Andy Warhol. I am not a part of Andy Warhol's cult of personality, but I am a card-carrying member of the Tao Lin Institute of Personality.
heheheheheheehhehehehe abuses quotation marks more than the old people who work at my college and make signs with clip art in Microsoft Office which they then print out and tape to doors and sometimes even laminate (the papers not the doors.) Tao Lin has the grammar of the future. When my brother's children's children's etc.'s children live in a dome on a crater on Mars they will use this kind of grammar. Nobody uses semicolons now besides people whose works appear in scholarly research articles. The only retrograde grammar you will find on heheheehheehheheh is the apostrophe, which seems to have inserted its pointy tip into Tao Lin's cerebrum.
Tao Lin once mentioned Diablo II and talks about Nintendo. This makes him more or less worth reading by default; Homer and Dante do not understand proper pacing because they never played video games.
Tao Lin has lied to me, but he is honest. He will warn you up front if there is something that is not worth reading, or something that is boring, or confusing. He is still nice enough to provide further writing or a link after that point. Like Sartre has always wanted, he is letting me be a big boy and make my own choices.
In everything, he can justify anything. Like shoplifting, or exposing private information. But Tao Lin is not a moral relativist. He probably doesn't hate you, he just might not want to talk to you, at least if it means there will be less suffering.
A good investment would have been buying a share of Shoplifting From American Apparel, but my net worth is less than that of the asking price. It almost would have been worth it so I could say that I owned something intellectual, at least someone else's intellectual property. With luck, you can help the books fly off the shelves, perhaps by throwing them or sneaking them out under your coat. You could even throw them afterwords, and hope that the pages are light enough to make good wings.
According to the Village Voice, Tao Lin is eating his children. Tao Lin is the sort of man who might share recipes with you. He also might not.
Tao Lin is a little bit less happy than you.
Tao Lin uses Gmail to chat on the internet. As a writer, he is probably too poor to afford a standalone messenger client.
Tao Lin has an understanding of the postmodern world, and that the artist is considered to be as important as, and an extension of her or his work. Tao Lin is a him, not a her, but generalized sentences in a postmodern world are required to be inclusive or neutral. His writing reveals the generation that he is a part of. Tao Lin seems to offer a world without choice in the broad sense of the word, at least without meaningful choice, but with almost infinite potential for choice and feeling on an individual level.
Tao Lin is subliminal and subversive on every level. Stories seem to be about nothing. Words are bland, sentences are declarative. Even now when I am not reading but writing about Tao Lin I have typed his name so many times that letters are beginning to lose their meaning and Tao seems to be spelled wrong every time I type it, even though aTo would be a pretty noticeable typo.
